Hey there. Once upon a time, I was not a Chinese food kinda guy. I hated the stuff and I hated the smell of it. Actually, I was turned off by all kinds of food. Especially Chinese food and pickles. Of course, that's before I met my wife. I've always tried foods for her and she's reluctantly tried some foods for me (remember the octopus incident, dear?) and now, I can say that I enjoy eating some Chinese food and I'll have some pickles in a burger here and there. Anyways, a few days ago, we go out to an all you can eat buffet. One of the good ones. The ones that have all kinds of seafood, Chinese food, and few American eats. After we over stuff ourselves, our waitress comes over with our fortune cookies. Here is her fortune:
"Be patient! The Great Wall didn't got build in one day."
Low and behold, ancient fortune cookie wisdom at it's finest.
We chuckled at the wording. We thought it was hilarious. But now, I'm thinking that maybe it was meant to be worded that way so that you can put some actual thought into it. Nah, I'm sure that the brainiac that was the translator merely screwed up the wording.
Ah... Life's simple treasures. I love it when smiles come from unexpected places. Later!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Let's Go For A Drink
Hey there. I thought this was pretty hilarious. Here is the thought process of men and women when going out for a drink. Enjoy.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
New Work Policy
Hey there. I've been at work for about 2 days and already there are changes that I am just being aware of. Of course, this only after I've had my ass chewed out by my boss after breaking "Innovative #5"... Here's the memo that was sent out by the HR department.
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f*ck you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking bitch.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh*ting me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh*t..
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f*cking problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh*t won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING : I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh*t and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f*cking job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f*ck died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a d*ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f*ck you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking bitch.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh*ting me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh*t..
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f*cking problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh*t won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING : I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh*t and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f*cking job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f*ck died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a d*ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources
Monday, January 19, 2009
Back at Work and a Broken Box
Hey there. So I'm back at work... Vacation is finally over and that sucks. My wife and I so did not want to come in to work today. Especially since it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day and the kids have the day off and we're here, at work. As soon as we walked in the office, a coworker tells me to call the boss before I get started on working. Damn, can't I get settled in first? You know, a cup of joe before I get hounded? So I sit at my desk and call the boss to see what's up. Looks like he's not going to be in this week so I'm boss for the week and he left several instructions for me. Which includes a meeting, of course... Ugh... I'm not even up to speed yet and I need to represent him in a meeting. Hopefully, I'll be able to get out of it. So I then turn on the computer and open my Email. Bracing for the worse... Yup, just as I expected. A shitload of Emails. So many Emails, that I had to wait approx. 45 mins for the computer to put them all in my inbox! Close to 800 Emails. Ugh. I sooooo don't want to be here right now.
Anyways, this weekend was quite eventful. I had (notice the had) a good size projection big screen. You know, those old ones that are bulky as hell? I got it from my uncle when we moved into our home. I needed something better than a 23 incher to display in the living room. The color of the big screen was always off. Blue and green were essentially the same hue and it finally got to me. I decided to open up the bad boy to see what was the problem. As many projection screens go, the blue color gun was busted. It didn't display a projection while the the red and green ones were working fine. I found where you can adjust the color and was hoping that maybe it just needed fine tuning and as I was adjusting the color, the screen turned to a red color and after a few seconds of that, it turned black. Crap. I think the TV just died on me. I was not able to get the screen to come back on and after reading up on it online, I discovered that I was not alone and many people described what just happened to me. How the blue color always goes first and before you know it, poof, you're tv is just a huge box sitting in your living room. I ended up calling a few repair people to see how much it would cost to repair it. Prices ranged anywhere from $300 to $500. Damn, screw that. I went online to look for another TV to buy. So where do I go? Craigslist.com.
I browsed around there and people were selling their busted TVs. All saying the same thing. Blue color is off. I finally found one that is slightly smaller than our original TV but it works perfectly. All for $100! Can't go wrong with that. So I Email the guy and he hooks it up and on Sunday, I take my cuz's truck over there to pick it up. The dude was cool and even helped me load the sucker in the truck. So I take it home and it's "small" compared to our old TV but you can't complain in getting a 50 inch or so TV for $100. And the best part? YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GREEN AND BLUE!!! YES!
Damn, just remembered that I'm at work. Gotta knocked down most of these Emails. Later.
Anyways, this weekend was quite eventful. I had (notice the had) a good size projection big screen. You know, those old ones that are bulky as hell? I got it from my uncle when we moved into our home. I needed something better than a 23 incher to display in the living room. The color of the big screen was always off. Blue and green were essentially the same hue and it finally got to me. I decided to open up the bad boy to see what was the problem. As many projection screens go, the blue color gun was busted. It didn't display a projection while the the red and green ones were working fine. I found where you can adjust the color and was hoping that maybe it just needed fine tuning and as I was adjusting the color, the screen turned to a red color and after a few seconds of that, it turned black. Crap. I think the TV just died on me. I was not able to get the screen to come back on and after reading up on it online, I discovered that I was not alone and many people described what just happened to me. How the blue color always goes first and before you know it, poof, you're tv is just a huge box sitting in your living room. I ended up calling a few repair people to see how much it would cost to repair it. Prices ranged anywhere from $300 to $500. Damn, screw that. I went online to look for another TV to buy. So where do I go? Craigslist.com.
I browsed around there and people were selling their busted TVs. All saying the same thing. Blue color is off. I finally found one that is slightly smaller than our original TV but it works perfectly. All for $100! Can't go wrong with that. So I Email the guy and he hooks it up and on Sunday, I take my cuz's truck over there to pick it up. The dude was cool and even helped me load the sucker in the truck. So I take it home and it's "small" compared to our old TV but you can't complain in getting a 50 inch or so TV for $100. And the best part? YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GREEN AND BLUE!!! YES!
Damn, just remembered that I'm at work. Gotta knocked down most of these Emails. Later.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Guitar Hero: Metallica!!!
Hey there. Yesterday was a pretty chill day for us. We ended up getting lunch with my mother in law and then we headed off to the mall to pick up some things. Actually, we went there planning on hitting one store and then leaving, but that never happens. We walked into Hot Topic and picked up some shirts for me and these bad ass guitar pick earrings for my wife. Also got her some leather pants. Can't wait to see her in those. We laughed at the clothes and accessories cause we both said that it's our "rock band" outfits. lol
Anyways, we then passed by EB Games. My wife knows I'm a gamer so she asked if I wanted to look inside. I didn't at first but then said, why not. So we walk in and check it out. I asked the guy if they had those silent pads for the Rock Band drum kit, since they can be kinda loud, especially during the early morning. Our little one likes to pull them out and start banging away on them while singing Nirvana or Garbage. The dude says, "they're over there", so as I begin to walk to "there", I pass by a Guitar Hero: Metallica display. I damn near broke my neck, I turned so fast. My wife laughed at me. I picked up a copy and said that I just need to have it. So I took it to the counter to pay for it. I asked the guy if there were any promos for reserving, since they usually hand something out free when you reserve a game. He said that there was nothing, "yet", but that he'll be cool and call me if something comes up and as a gesture of good will, he handed me a Rock Band 2 shirt. He was planning on giving me two, one for me and my wife, but he only had one. Now, I'm all excited about getting the game! But it doesn't come out until March 29th! UGH!!!!
When we got home, I went online to see if there is any more info that I could check out on the game. I was able to find a recent trailer for the game. Guitar Hero: World Tour has a trailer for it but it's just words across the screen with Metallica music in the back ground. Not much of a trailer. This new one actually shows the band and it looks pretty good. I'm thrilled at the fact that Master of Puppets is on there. They just had to have it on there. It's a killer song and hands down my favorite Metallica song. And the best part??? You can play as a band! Oh man, I'm going to have field day with this one. Get my whole family into this sucker. lmao My instrument of expertise is the guitar, but when I play with my wife and kids, I'm the drummer. Our band, which I'm dubbing right now, "CREEPING DEATH", consists of my boy on guitar, my daughter on vocals, my wife on bass and I on drums. March 29th!!! Can't wait! I already got the damn date circled on my calendar. lol Rock on friends. Later!
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