Be Careful Where You Sit!

Hey there. As many of you know, my wife and I are expecting and we have gotten many well wishes from across the globe. We also started to get many pregnancy jokes from friends and family and this is one that crossed my inbox earlier today. Thought is was hilarious and the fact that it claims to be true makes it even more hilarious. Enjoy.

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 - CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A woman, about 8 months pregnant, got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She decided it was a little weird so she moved to another seat. This time, the man's smile turned to a grin. Feeling uneasy, she moved again. This time, the man seemed more amused. When the woman moved for the fourth time, the man burst out laughing. The woman, freaked out and complained to the bus driver and the he had the man arrested.

During court, the judge asked the man, in his 20's, what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well, your honor, it went down like this. When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that read, "The Double Mint Twins are coming", so I smiled. Then she moved and sat under a sign that read, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", so I grinned. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that read, "William's Big Stick did the trick", and I could hardly contain myself. Then, your honor, when she moved the fourth time and say under a sign that read, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident", I just lost it.

The case was dismissed.

The NBA Playoffs are Here

Hey there. I am a huge basketball fan and I have been waiting for this for almost a year. THE NBA PLAYOFFS ARE FINALLY HERE!!! I'm a huge Lakers fan. I've been following them since the days of Byron Scott, AC Green, Magic and Pat Riley. I pledge loyalty to no other team but the Lakers. If you follow basketball, then you would know that the Lakers were humiliated by the Celtics in last year's championship round. Do or die time for the Lakers, and what did they do? Lay a turd the size of the L.A. river... The bastards pretty much just rolled over. How embarrassing. This year will be different. It better be different. I caught the Lakers put a beat down on the Jazz this weekend and the team looked strong. The final score does not tell the tale of the game since the Lakers were in control early (up by 22 at the half) and pretty much was on cruise control the rest of the game. We're a bunch of focused individuals and this season will be a failure without a title. Being a fan, I didn't just watch the Laker game, the weekend was full of surprises in what is turning out to be a pretty interesting first round.

First game of the playoffs, Chicago @ Boston. The Celtics are the reigning champs and should be able to dispel an upcoming Chicago team. Well, the C's were without Kevin Garnett and the Bulls refused to go down without a fight. Soon to be rookie of the year (in my opinion, at least) Derrick Rose scored 36 points in his playoff debut. A huge deal since it's something that Michael Jordan nor Magic Johnson accomplished in their debut. The guy was on fire. He kept his team in the game by calmly hitting 2 clutch freethrows to put the Bulls up 1 near the end of the game. While Paul Pierce hit 1 or 2 moments later to tie the game instead of putting his team up by 1 near the end of regulation. The Bulls continued the momentum into OT and managed to edge out the Celtics for a surprising win. Rajon Rondo is having difficulties staying in front of Derrick Rose. Unless they contain Rose in the coming games, this could be a long series that can go either way.

Game 2 featured the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Detroit Pistons. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. It's highly anticipated that the Lakers will meet the Cavs in the finals so I keep a close eye on this game. The Cavs look strong in their win. I don't see them losing to Pistons. The Pistons looked like a team that is worn out. GM Joe Dumars has done a great piecing together a great team there but that team may need to start the rebuilding process soon. The Cavs are too strong and too good to lose to an old team.

Game 3 featured the Dallas Mavericks and the San Antonio Spurs. I only caught glimpses of this game, since I spent most of the afternoon doing come yard work and heavy duty cleaning. What I did see was the Spurs up big in the second qtr, which, quite frankly, I expected. When I looked at the highlights later in the evening, shocker #2 came to light when it showed that Dallas pulled out the win. San Antonio needs the injured Manu Ginobli if they wish to get far. This is a toss up for me since the Spurs have championship experience and a great coach in Greg "Poppa", but it may not be enough this time.

Game 4 was the Rockets and the Trailblazers. I should have watched this game, but payed no attention to it all. Was still outside working... I will say this however. Portland was looking very formidable near the end of the regular season. It's a huge disappointment for them to come out flat and lose to Houston home. Portland is the only team in the West that I see posing a problem to the Lakers. Their big guys can definitely match up to our bigs and the battle won at the post will determine the winner of the game.


Image courtesy of FoxSports.com

Sunday

Game 1 was Lakers at Jazz. Already spoke of this game and I'll be extremely disappointed if we dont' take care of the Jazz in 4 or 5 games. They are not strong enough or big enough to contend with our length. No excuses Lakers! Handle your business.

Game 2 featured the Orlando Magic and Philadelphia 76ers. The Magic was in control of this game from the start. Up by 18 or so by the end of the 3rd quarter, the Magic had this game in the bag. Then, they collapsed. The Sixers were the aggressors, constantly in the lane, hitting layups. Now, if you have a monster like Dwight Howard on your team, NO ONE SHOULD BE GETTING LAYUPS! The guys is a beast, and he's only 22! He's only going to get better from here. Chalk it up to inexperience if you want, the Magic gave this game to the Sixers in that 4th quarter.

I didn't see the next two games, but considering that they were beat downs, I don't think I missed much. The Hawks gave a huge hurt to the Heat. Surprisingly, they handed them a 26 point beatdown. I didn't see the game, so I don't know the facts, but where was Dwayne Wade? He's a killer talent to have on a team and he tends to shine in the playoffs. His leadership may need to be questioned if he allowed his team to be on the receiving end of a beating like this.

The other game was the New Orleans Hornets at Denver Nuggets. The Nuggets have the second seed in the West and considering how tight seeds 2-8 were, it speaks volumes that they were the ones to claim that spot. This was another one where Chris Paul should not have let his team lose by so much. He's the leader of that team and should have lit a fire under his team. Also, I was not impressed by his press conference explaination. It seemed to me that he was making excuses than taking measures to rectify the team. It's a chess match during the playoffs. Adjustments, and then readjustments are made and the team that can do it better tends to win.

If you keep track, you'll notice that the road team won in four of the contests, stealing home court advantage. I don't believe in home court advantange. You either have the skills to win, or you don't. It shouldn't matter whether the game is in different cities. The 4 teams that won on road displayed their skill. With the exception of the Rockets, the road team fought back after being down to take the win. It was an exciting slate of games this weekend and the playoffs are looking to be extrememly entertaining. Later!


Image courtesy of FoxSports.com

Old Boy: A film of Love or Revenge

Hey there. I first caught of glimpse of this film back in October, when the Bravo network was running their 30 Even Scarier Movie Moments. Yes, the show wasn't all that great, but considering that it was Halloween time and being a fan of the horror film genre, I just could not tune it out. The film Old Boy ranked near the top 5, I believe, and I made a mental note to check it out one day. Well, that day came earlier this week.

I've stated my new found passion for the IFC and Sundance channels before. This week, they've brought another gem of a movie to me. Old Boy is a South Korean movie that will blow your mind away. It is rumored that Quentin Tarantino was so moved by the film, that he lobbied for the film to receive the Palme d'Or award during the film's showing at the 2004 Cannes Film Festival. The film is subtitled in English so the one negative thing I will saw about this film is that it's difficult to focus on the actors and their facial expressions while reading.

Warning: If you plan on watching the film and do not want me to kill it for you, then I strongly suggest you stop reading here. Go watch the film, then come back to read up on my thoughts. Thanks.

The film revolves around Dae-su, a family man with a drinking problem. One night, he is so drink, that his friend, Joo-Hwan, has to retrieve him from a bar. As Joo-Hwan phones Dae-su's wife, to let her know that he'd bringing him home, Dae-su disappears. Spending no more than 5 to 10 seconds in the phone booth, Joo-Hwan is dumbfounded at his disappearance. As the camera panned out to show the sidewalk, you get the feeling that this was not a random kidnapping.

We are then shown of Dae-su's whereabouts. He is being held captive in a hotel room. While there, he discovers that his wife was murdered, with him being the prime suspect, and his daughter was sent to a foster home. Dae-su then spends the 15 years in the hotel room.

One day, out of the blue, the hotel room door is opened. While getting some sushi, he passes out and the woman chef, Mi-do, takes him. When he awakens, he receives a call from his captor and Dae-su vows to get even. Dae-su, then goes on a mission, gathering clues, as to his captor's motives and identity. Soon after discovering that he was captured because "talks to much", he comes face to face with his captor, Woo-jin. Woo-jin, then gives Dae-wu the ultimatum, discover the reason he was imprisoned. If he fails, Mi-do, will die, and if he succeeds, Woo-jin will kill himself. Mi-do, becoming more than just a friend to Dae-su, is then held hostage before Dae-su to show Woo-jin's seriousness.

Mi-do and Dae-su pack up and stay in another hotel to avoid Woo-jin and his gang. During this brief time, they express their love for each other and end up having sex.

Shortly thereafter, Dae-su uncovers the motive. Woo-jin was a classmate of Dae-su back in their high school days. Dae-su discovered the incestuous relationship that Woo-jin and his sister had. Leaving town the next day, Dae-su spoke about what he saw to a friend before leaving and his friend started spreading rumors of the relationship. The rumors even got as far as Woo-jin's sister being pregnant. Shortly thereafter, his sister is found at the bottom of a dam, dead.



Dae-su confronts Woo-jin and tells him what he has uncovered. He then accuses him of killing his sister to hide his "shameful" secret. Woo-jin laughs it off and present Dae-su with a gift. It ends up being a Dae-su' family photo album featuring many pictures of his daughter. As he flips through the book, it is revealed that Dae-su's daughter is Mi-do. Horrified of what has become of his relationship with his daughter, Dae-su begs Woo jin to keep this a secret from Mi-do. He even goes as far as cutting off his tongue to show that he will not speak of what transpired. Woo-jin then spills the beans of his plan. His capture, his daughter, the murder of his wife, all done so that Dae-su and Mi-do would fall in love. Woo-jin expresses his love for his sister to Dae-su and calmly asks him if he can do the same with Mi-do. Keeping good on his deal, Joo-win commits suicide.


The film ends with a disturbing image. Dae-su and Mi-do are out in the snow and Mi-do hugs Dae-su saying that she loves him. Dae-su has a smile on his face upon hearing this, but that smile soon fades and transforms to a look of grimace.

The movie did leave the question, does Mi-do know of Dea-su's secret? It also left me wondering if Woo-jin is the antagonist of this movie. Woo-jin and his sister had a lover's relationship, as witnessed by Dae-su, but Woo-jin's parting words to Dae-su left me wondering if, had Dae-su not mention what he saw, would it all have been avoided? Did Dae-su, the persona that we follow throughout the ordeal, deserve what he had coming? The fact that a film will have me talking about it well after I've finished seeing it speaks volumes. This is one that you definitely need to check out.

The camera work in this film is also suberb. I mentioned facial expressions earlier because the film uses them to great effect. When Dae-su grimaces, you grimace, when Woo-jin sneers, you get a rush of hatred. It's used to great effect and should be greatly applauded. Another great effect occured during Dea-su's memorable fight scene. Over 3 and half minutes of action, all done in one shot, being reminiscent of the Final Fight video game. So I leave you with this. A video of one the longest fighting sequences in a film. Later.

Deliverance: A Cinquain

Full of worry, full of sorrow, a life away makes sense
In this feeling, always reeling, no more options left for me
A fallen angel, an archangel, no one to my defense
All sullen lies, as I do cry, death is all I see
I can't recover, as souls hover, no chance for deliverance

-Metallman

Metallica's Top 10 Must Hear Songs

Hey there. America's greatest metal band, Metallica, has recently been inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and what better way to commemorate the band than with a top 10 list, of what I believe to be, their greatest songs. Considering that the band has been creating masterpieces since 1981, the catalog of music is there to do a top 100! They have endured tragedy and have overcome hardships yet the music that resonates from Metallica will live on forever. Now, the list.

#10
Album: Kill 'Em All
Song: Whiplash

Off Metallica's first album, Kill 'Em All, is a song where the lyrics match the heavy music. A song about headbanging, Whiplash introduces the world to Metallica, as band that "will never quit" and "never will stop". The Metal Militia at it's infancy, this song is a strong candidate as a song that rallied to troops to cheer their new idols on.

#9
Album: Metallica (The Black Album)
Song: Enter Sandman

Enter Sandman is the song that introduced the band to all the "mainstream" listeners. Because of that, this song ranks as one of their better songs that not only pleased their die hard fans, but captured the ears of those that never heard of heavy metal music. The opening guitar riff is one that is easily learned and hummed and the vocals during the chorus is strong and unforgettable.

#8
Album: S&M
Song: No Leaf Clover

Heavy metal music backed by an orchestra? Impossible! Well, Metallica is all about making the impossible, possible. The S&M album could be considered a collection of "greatest hits" with an added orchestra track. I praised the band for thinking outside of the box and exploring new territories. No Leaf Clover captures the beauty of this experiment in all it's glory. This song, hands down, has one of the best vocal tracks I have ever heard. It's strong, it's powerful, and each time I hear it, I cannot resist the urge to sing along.

#7
Album: Metallica (The Black Album)
Song: Nothing Else Matters

Every metal head has a soft side and Metallica lays it out on the line with this one. Generally considered a softie, this song flows flawlessly as it transitions from intro to verse to chorus and back again. Kirk Hammett's solo is a short one, but nevertheless, its speaks to you like none other can.

#6
Album: Ride the Lightning
Song: Creeping Death

One of my personal favorites, Creeping Death is metal at its best. A song about the plague that devastated the Egyptians, this song is fast, heavy, and is nearly a lock to be played at a Metallica show. Kirk Hammett thoughts on the songs solo as published by Kerrang! (Sept. '08) "There's a really raw, powerful energy to this one. It's exciting to listen to, and it's one that even to this day I absolutely love playing live. In my opinion it's definitely one of the best solos a Metallica song has ever had." How can you not want to listen to this song after reading that?

#5
Album: ...And Justice For All
Song: One

Metallica tested the waters of the music video business with this song. Many fans were none to happy about it, considering the band a sell out. But One is a powerful song where the visuals of the music video greatly enhanced the song. One, a song about death, war, and an unknown soldier, begs to ask the question, "How could a man lose as much of himself as I have and still live?" (quoted by the novel Johnny Got His Gun)

#4
Album: Death Magnetic
Song: My Apocalypse

Fresh off their latest album, Death Magnetic, Metallica produced this hell of a song. Not as well known as their other masterpieces, this song has all the strong elements of a Metallica classic. Blazing solo, heavy palm mutes, double bass drum, and a bass line that blows your mind. As great as they are known for their guitar parts, the bass line really shines on this album and Robert Trujillo just kills the bass line in this song.

#3
Album: Ride the Lightning
Song: Fade to Black

A song with suicidal undertones(I have lost the will to live. Simply nothing more to give), this song is a Metallica classic, not just because of the awesome intro that seems to cry to you, but because of the sentimental value associated with the song. James Hetfield has expressed that the song was originally written about his stolen amp, which unfortunately, was the very first amp he owned. The song also seemed to foreshadow grave news, as it has since been associated with Cliff Burton's death ("Deathly loss this can't seem real. Cannot stand this hell I feel). An emotional song that freakishly conveyed the band's emotions at the time.

#2
Album: Master of Puppets
Song: Orion

An instrumental epic of a song that showcased the band's musical knowledge. Not only did they manage to create a musical masterpiece, but did it with such precision that the song can be played with any other 4 instruments and sound beautiful as a classical piece. Cliff Burton considered this one of his favorite songs and after hearing the bass lines on this song, we can see why. Cliff has 2 bass solos on this song that can easily be mistaken as guitar solos.

#1
Album: Master of Puppets
Song: Master of Puppets

This song is the epitome of heavy metal. Fast, furious, and in your face, Master of Puppets is a clinic on how to play heavy metal. At a tempo of 220 beats per minute, it's definitely one of the faster songs in Metallica's repertoire. It has everything you want in a metal song: full, heavy vocals, fast, furious guitar work, low, decadent bass line, and drum work that will make you lose a few pounds before the song is done. A 8 minute song that is so in your face that you cannot avoid it's powerful message. James Hetfield in Thrasher magazine: "'Master of Puppets' deals pretty much with drugs. How things get switched around, instead of you controlling what you're taking and doing, it's drugs controlling you.

There you have it, friends. A top 10 of Metallica's greatest masterpieces. Now, let the debate begin. Later!