Friday Drag

Hey there. Today has been going by EXTREMELY SLOW. My wife didn't come in to work today. She has 2 sick days left for the year and she wants to kill them before she's off on maternity leave. Work has just been dragging along. I'm surprised that I am not getting anywhere near the amount of Emails I usually do or many phone calls. I usually average close to 100 Emails a day and several calls but I started the day with about 40 Emails and it really has not increased much. So I'm sitting here, with the majority of my work done. Important Emails have been sent and I can't work down my report much more than I already have. You know what it kinda feels like? Like when you're in elementary school and you look up at the clock and say, "damn, 3 hours and 24 mins to go." Yeah, it's kinda like that. I look at the time and think, 2 and half hours to go...

Next week will be a different story. It's the end of the month so I'll be diligently working on reports and orders. But until then, I'll just listen to the seconds tick away. Later.

US Draft to Allow Men over 60?

Hey there. I'm not sure what the laws are outside of the United States, but once young men reach the age of 18, you are required to register for the US Selective Service. It pretty much means that if a war breaks out and the US needs soldiers, Selective Service registrants will be pulled a la a draft. Well, after reading this Email from a senior citizen... I'm thinking that maybe, JUST MAYBE, we got it all wrong. lol Enjoy.


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50 ...with PMS !!!
You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.

Metallman's Belt

Hey there. Several years ago, I was a stick figure thin 118 lbs. Yup, that's not a typo, 118 lbs. Today, I am a "healthy" 175. lol I've always struggled to gain weight. I tried all I could in high school and beyond to gain weight, but no luck. That is, until I met my wife. The picture you see is of a belt that I took from my wife when we first met. Mind you, it was very loose fitting on her so I pretty much figured it fit me better. lol Well, as you can see, I started off using the hole to farthest left and am now 1 hole away from having to look for a new belt. lmao Check it out.
As you can see, I met my wife in 2003 and have steadily started using the other holes in the belt. I love my babe and she treats and feeds me well. I guess it's true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. lol I got the idea to post this in the morning when I was getting dressed and realized that I can't go past the second hole. Just thought I'd share that with you. lmao

Damn... looking at that picture, it looks like that button on my shirt is ready to pop! lmao Talking about popping buttons... Wait, that's for another time. I got a few button popping stories but if I start with those now, I won't finish this post today. HA! Later!

Update! As my wife pointed out... We met in 2003 and married in 2004. Not the above dates above! I'm too lazy to change the picture so this will have to do. Nah... I think I'll just change the pic. lmao Later.

Life Through the Eyes of a HP Machine

Hey there. I'm fully charged and ready to go. My master pulls me out of my bag once the evening is well underway. I don't know how much more I can take. His greasy fingers tap away at my keyboard (by the way, which doesn't even light up), leaving me sticky. His many windows continuously sap away at my RAM, causing my responsiveness to diminish. I haven't been cleaned and defragmented since I was fist purchased many years ago, wasting valuable storage room and constantly losing speed. My "spanking new" graphics card is now old news and I can't even run some of the newer PC games. I swear, it's like if I'm turning into an obsolete machine! Something like an IBM Thinkpad T21! *sigh*
How I wish I was one of those brand new HP HDX 16t. Now that is a machine of beauty. 16 inch HD screen, up to 3.06 GHz, Up to 8 Gigs of DDR2 memory, 1 Gig GeForce card, Blu-Ray ROM with SuperMulti DVD+/-R/RW Double Layer, and many other perks! I'm lucky that my master has not purchased one of these notebooks. And I'm extremely lucky that he hasn't seen the discounts that HP is offering on a HP HDX 16t. In case you didn't know, you can get $500 off instantly when you purchase an HP HDX 16t with $300 coupon code NBN3248 + $200 Instant Rebate. Valid through 8/23 or while supplies last. Restrictions and exclusions apply.

Oh man, I hear him coming. It's time to struggle through another night of work. Maybe I should delete this post. I wouldn't want my master to purchase such an awesome machine and toss me aside. Or maybe even use me for spare parts! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! Oh no! It's too late...

Brett Favre Signs with the Minnesota Vikings!

Hey there. It seemed that it was more of a matter of "when" instead of "if". Well, today is the "when". Even though reports claimed that Brett Favre called it quits for real this time, he has gone out and signed a deal with Minnesota. His signing is no more than a few hours old and he's already in pads, practicing with the Vikings. What does this mean to the football world? One of many things. Are we going to be blessed and see one of the game's greatest QBs make a gallant effort to end his career on top? Are we going to see "Old Man Brett" hanging on my his last thread just to make it through the season? What does this mean to fantasy football players? Will you trade to start Brett? Will Adrian Peterson get his now that Favre is in the lineup? It's exciting, I'll admit, but it's hard to look forward to seeing The Legend in action when we've seen him have extreme highs and extreme lows these past couple of seasons.

His first retirement was heart felt. I remember seeing him weep at his press conference. It made me feel somber knowing that one of the best QBs in the game is retiring. It made me feel old to see a player from my childhood hang up his cleats. Then he came back, and then retired, and then came back again. I'm not a Green Bay Packers fan, but I am a fan of the game and of individual players. Naturally, I want to see the best players on the field. That's the only way we're guaranteed great football, but if Brett's time is up, he may regret this move. Viking coach Brad Childress better hope this gamble is worth the risk. His job hangs on Brett Favre's arm. I don't want to see him fail, but if Favre fails, not only will Childress look foolish, but so will the legend of Brett Favre. Later.