Monday, August 24, 2015

The Struggle with Complacency

Breathe in... breathe out... breath in... breathe out...
Hey there.  You guys still with me?  It's been while, huh.  I apologize.  I've had a few personal struggles that I've been working on.  Mostly on the mental side.  Not saying mental mental... but that there is always a few things that can be done to better yourself mentally.  One of the things that I've caught within myself is complacency and it is something that I want to get rid of.  You need the drive, you need the fire, you need to push yourself to not only better yourself but better things around those that support you.  No one should want to live a stagnant life.  There's no fun in living that way and to be honest, that's what bother's me the most in being complacent.  For someone that loves to be spontaneous, love to have have fun, and loves to joke around with loved ones, why settle for living life on a plateau?  I see that now and I'm done with it.

This whole complacency thing sucks.  I was always looking to learn, always looking to improve, always looking to explore.  That's evident when going through my website.  You'll see a wide range of topics here.  Especially when going through the early years, but not so much in the recent past.  My posts are not as personal as they once were.  There isn't much in variety.  There isn't much substance.  It's one of the reasons why I ask if you're still here.. with me.  I'm not going to lie to you folks, I wasn't here.  I was out being complacent... being content with being mediocre.  There hasn't been a Thoughts to... post since forever.  Where's podcast?  Where are the video reviews?  What what I playing now?  These are things that I was excited about jumping into.  Something that I felt would bring much needed substance and help build the Metallman name.  Hell, there was even talks of doing a webcast at one point.  Obviously, none of that panned out.  And it could easily be attributed to being complacent.  I haven't been able to set a schedule to stick to and I don't know if that's because breaking out of complacency is bringing about a change that I'm subconsciously not ready for.  I want to be able to just sit and get things done, but it doesn't happen and it's frustrating.

You know, I made the conscience decision to fix that weeks ago but it's not easy.  Bad habits are extremely hard to break.  I've tried a few methods to help push me in the right direction.  I tried "to do" lists, I tried marking my calendar, I tried sending myself reminders, and I tried using self imposed deadlines jump start myself.  Each had early results that eventually waned.  So much so that I was back to my usual, complacent self before I even realized it.  If you notice, there's small spurts where I posted for a week or so and then disappeared.  Yeah... that was a futile attempt to break out of this frustrating cycle.  Now...  I'm on attempt number 32 on breaking this cycle.  I'm "working" while at work while I'm still in work mode.  No worries, friends.  It's during lunch time and I'm free to do what I please during that time, right?  And yes... I already ate.  lol  Fettuccine, actually.  Was pretty darn good... But I digress.  Actually, no... it's a good segue to the one that brings about my want to change: my wife.  

You know, the wife and I talked a lot about how things were and how things have become.  Generally speaking, things are in a good place.  We have a home, we have healthy kids, we're doing well, but we noticed that we kind of settled into our ways and have not really improved upon ourselves.  This was made clear to us when we both attempted to get back into our fit ways and couldn't get ourselves motivated to hit the gym.  We pretty much took a whole year off and we're pretty unhappy about that.  We were both gym rats and now, we're easing our ways into it.  Also, recently, I helped push the wife's creativity button and she's come to build on her passion for interior decorating.  Now, it's my turn to turn on the switch.  I'm back to reviewing and blogging (this being the post to jump start the whole thing) and get back into a mindset where complacency ceases to exist.  And I'm grateful to have a strong support system in my wife to help me break through it.

I struggled, actually, still am, but I'm trying.  Thanks for sticking around and waiting for me to come around. I promise to make it worth your wait.  I hope to resurrect the podcast.  I hope to one day venture into webcasting.  And hopefully, I'll be doing some voice over work over all of my blogging duties.  I have plenty of reviews coming up, plenty of stuff to give away, and plenty of thoughts that I need to get out of my mind.  If you've had trouble before and had to kick yourself in the ass to get you going, let me know.  I'm curious to know what you did and how well it worked for you.  Later!

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