The Different Degrees of a Hangover

If you haven't experienced any of these, then you haven't lived.



One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't pee'd once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

Mustela Products for Sensitive Skin

Hey there friends. I've recently been introduced to the Mustela line of skin products. My wife is big on skin care products. I believe that women in general are big on skin care, but even more so when it comes to the kids. Since we live in California, we are in constant sunshine and beaches are just minutes away. We were handed a bottle of Mustela high protection SPF 50 sun screen and we just loved it. My wife loves the baby lotions. They are usually stronger than your everyday product, since it is made to protect a baby's skin.

My wife, being the great mother that she is, decided to go online to look for reviews of the products and check out the Mustela website. How she wished she knew of this sooner. Maternity products, lotions, gift sets, parent's corner; the site has all you need to know to care for yourself and your young one. Being a first time mom is tough and you usually go by what your elders tell you, which is not bad advice but myth is sometimes mixed in with the truth. At Mustela , the Parent's Corner section gives tips and insight on what to expect during those critical moments of being a mom. And they make it easy too. Join their mailing list and receive updates on their products. The best part? You can locate a local store that carries the Mustela line. Click on "Locate Retailers" button and enter your zip code. This way if you can't wait for the online order to come in, you can drive to your local retailer and pick up your product.

My wife sighed. How she loves babies. She already put the site on her favorites for when we decide to have another little one. Until then. Later!

FiOS Upgrade Slowing Metallman Down

Hey there friends. I haven't had a chance to do much in posting. I'm extremely disappointed that I will not have a Week 8 Heavy Metal Rankings due to my DSL connection being down at home. We are upgrading to FiOS connection and that should have been installed last weekend, but because the installers never showed up, it wasn't done. When I called Verizon the next morning complaining that my DSL was down, they explained that because we were meant to be on the FiOS network, all our info was transferred and the DSL is no longer active. Damn! The guy looked up the availability for rescheduling and there were no slots available until Nov. 15th. NO INTERNET AT HOME UNTIL NOV. 15TH!!!! I told the guy that that date is not going to work for me and I asked to speak to a manager. He did some telephone magic and before I know it, a spot opened up for Nov. 1st, which is this Saturday. I took it, considering that it's only a week... but what a week it has been.

We're some young people (at least I like to this so). We're in our mid-twenties, have a home, got ourselves a great family, and basically live off of gadgets and gizmos so to be without the mother of all tech, the internet, has been a bit of a strain. lol Our phones have internet access so we've been getting our fix there but it's just not the same.

So here I am, at work, trying to squeeze in a quick post to let my friends know what's going on. I've heard good things of this FiOS connection. Allegedly, it's the way of the future. I'll let you guys know how it stacks up compared to cable and DSL lines. Until then, later!

Butterfly Award

Hey there friends. Look what I got! Allure passed this on to me cause I'm bad ass. lol Well, at least she thinks my blog is. I was surprised earlier this month with an award and now received my second one not too soon after. Many thanks to Allure. Now I'm supposed to pass this on to 10 people. I think that's too many. I'll simplify it and send it to 3. And those friends are...

Jason over at Regretful Morning

Steven over at Steven Humor

Winona over at Yummy

I either find your sites hilarious, insightful, or just simply bad ass so I'm passing on a little love over to you guys. Later!

The Pepperoni King

Hey there. One of the perks that my wife and I have at our job is that my mother in law lives close by. We rarely spend any money on lunch since we're usually treated to a home cooked meal. Today, we were treated to some pizza. My wife, being a semi-health nut, brought her healthy meal from home while I scarfed down some pie.

But what's this?!?!?! As I open the box and pull out a slice, this king sized pepperoni stares back at me and yells, don't eat me!!! Have you ever seen anything like it? lol Damn... I almost felt guilty putting it in my mouth. It dwarfed all the other pepperoni slices! I kinda just looked at it in awe for a minute before it decided to jump off my slice and hit the floor, escaping certain death. Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Metallman - 0

Pepperoni King - 1

I bet it would have tasted heavenly. Now, I will never know. Knowing what I know now, I will not stare at it in awe next time. I will just devour the sucker. Hell, I might decide not to chew just to show it who's boss. That bastard! *sigh* Until then... Later!