Hey there. I've been at work for about 2 days and already there are changes that I am just being aware of. Of course, this only after I've had my ass chewed out by my boss after breaking "Innovative #5"... Here's the memo that was sent out by the HR department.
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f*ck you're doing.
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking bitch.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking way.
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh*ting me!
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh*t..
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f*cking problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh*t won't work.
TRY SAYING : I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh*t and die.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f*cking job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f*ck died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a d*ck.